Why relationships fail…!
I, as a psychiatrist and a therapist, have dealt with multiple relationship issues in the past few years. Every relationship is different and so are people and hence there’s no particular formula for good relationship but certain issues remain common.
There are a variety of reasons why relationships don’t go the distance. The main reasons why relationships fail is loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.
The most important and the most difficult to resolve, is the ego clash. The bid to prove oneself right is always more important than anything else. This leads to clashes that are unresolvable. It is necessary to understand the difference between discussions and arguments.
The good news is there are ways to discern whether you have reason to stick around and there are also strategies you can call upon to restore the health of your partnership that’s currently struggling such as with the help of a relationship counselling with a psychiatrist. Rather than we understand why it fails, let us learn how to save a relationship and restore its status to healthy.
So how to try and save relationships?
1. Decide a boundary.
Make sure that each one of you has set a limit to which you will engage in an argument. There’s always a limit to which you can push the other one, do not let it reach to the hurt point. A lot of times, things said in anger leave strong impacts on the other person and it might not come out immediately but will constantly reflect in the consecutive conversations.
2. Do not constantly bring up old issues.
Fighting about the past brings no good to anyone. Resolve and move ahead. Do not keep going back to the trigger points that may damage the current problem.
3. Listen.
Do not jump to conclusions before the other one finishes talking. Do not constantly try to justify the sentences. Once in a while, people just want to vent out! They do not need solutions or answers!
4. Be open to discussions and accept criticism.
There is nothing wrong in accepting your fault in front of the one you love. It doesn’t make you any smaller, it doesn’t make you vulnerable or weak. If anything, it just makes you feel lighter and the discussion becomes easier. Learn to work on your issues.
I have heard innumerable people saying, “This is what I am, do not try to change me”. That doesn’t work in the real world. There will always be things that you will have to change or become better at, that’s what relationships are about. No one should change your personality, no! But if there are a few traits that might help your relationship, then yes!
5. Hold the relation above the issues.
Each one of us have our trigger points. Do not constantly poke them. You do not like to be poked about them, don’t do that to the other one as well. You might not know the reasons behind the triggers. At the end of the day, the thing that matters is your relationship, the person and the feelings, nothing comes above that.
6. Forgive and forget.
We all make mistakes, but holding on to them forever is not going to help anyone. Grudges only create animosity so it is better to forgive and move ahead in life.
7. Help each other grow.
Rather than pulling each other down, it is necessary to give constructive criticism to your partner. It is not a competition where you have to prove yourself better than the other. It should be a relation of equals!
8. Division of duty.
This is the most important aspect of a relationship. We have all heard “Why should I do this?”, “I have too much work already to do this!”. Divide duties. Make sure that there’s an equal division of labour so that none feels cheated or over-burdened.
9. Never disrespect each other especially in public.
It is very important to have certain basic virtues in a relationship. They include trust, respect and loyalty. Love might change but if there’s mutual respect, the relation will flourish!
10. Lastly! Always try to end the discussion the same day.
Do not drag to the point that it becomes irritating and consuming. Sometimes sleeping over a problem calms you down, freshens you up and even gives you a new perspective.
Wrapping up…
No matter how strong a relationship may be, at some point you’re bound to hit a few rough patches along the way. It is completely normal. But, not getting back to the healthy version of the relationship – that’s not normal. If you are struggling with your relationship, take help of a expert, a psychiatrist.
